I Love My Simple Life

Friday night grocery shopping with the hubby.  A nice package of meaty dog bones crossed the scanner and the clerk said, 'That's going to make some puppy very happy."  I smiled and as the ice cream made it's way across the scanner I said, "the ice cream's for the dog too!"  The clerk looked amused and just a bit shocked.  As he scanned the two pound container of strawberries he looked at my husband and said, "I hope he at least gets some of the berries."  I told him yes, he did, and he and the dog shared the ice cream in bed at night.

Attacks of ...... Panic

They occur far less frequently now, than they used to.  And that is how it should be since the traumatic event was eight years ago.  Yet to certain parts of my mind, the event was only yesterday.  That is the sad, cold truth of the matter.

My pain clinic doc wanted me to see their in-house family nurse practitioner.  I don't know why, and was never told why when I was contacted to schedule the appointment.  I already have a FNP and I would never give her up.  The appointment was today and about an hour beforehand the meltdown began.  Bottom line is I cancelled at the last moment, and now the provider must approve a future re-schedule.

It's impossible not to beat myself up over this kind of thing.  Yet logically I know all I can do at this point is accept the fact I will need to ask my husband to take me to future appointments of this type.  I will have to schedule them when he is available, and that's the way it has to be to avoid having this happen in the future.

Take a deep breath, suck it up, and move on.

Two Kinds of Pain

So, there are two kinds of pain.  The first is pain from something you've done to your body, or someone else has done to your body.  Or an injury, surgery, etc.  It was time for the epidural spinal injections today.  It's never a fun procedure, but there is an element of surprise as I never know if it will go well (minimal pain) or not so well (like the 4th of July inside my body).  Today was a fireworks kinda day.  It is still very tender and actually hurts a bit to breathe.  They say to take it easy for a day or two.  My husband agrees with them.  I, on the other hand, think taking it easy is incredibly boring and only gives you more time to focus on the pain.  As Gordon Ramsay would say, "Fuck me."

And speaking of Gordon, I've been watching some of the Hell's Kitchen seasons on YouTube.  We don't have cable TV at home, so I'm always a year or two or nine behind, which is fine with me.  Season 11 wrapped less than a month ago.  A very charming and talented young woman named Ja'Nel won.  Her prize was a year contract as Head Chef at Gordon Ramsay Pub & Grill at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, along with a salary of $250,000.00.  As hubby would say, "Saaaweeeet!"

The L.A. Times reported today that Ja'Nel will not be accepting the position in Las Vegas.  She cited personal reasons as her explanation.  Dug a little deeper and discovered Caesar's Palace has an exceptionally strict drug policy and Ja'Nel tested positive for cocaine.  Talk about PAIN!!  What an idiot, and what a slap in the face to the woman she beat out for the position, and those who were also in the running and missed the finals by a hair.  Wow.....

Bizzy Day

So, it's almost midnight and I finally get to do what I want to do. Oh the joys of self employment.

Made knobs and pendants like a mad woman all day, then went to the airport post office. Oh my stars, I am so glad I didn't have anything going out of the U.S. There were at least 30 peeps in line, and since it's the airport PO (think Twilight Zone), only two clerks working. I just put my stuff in the box and beat feet out of there.

I had time to make a quick trip to Michaels. Did $17.00 worth of damage. I discovered when I was paying that the store would be open till 10:30, instead of the usual 9:00. And on Friday night they are staying open until midnight. Those poor employees.

A Good Bra = A Good Day

Today was a good day. I put on a brand spankin' new bra and feel like I could take on the world. The girls are riding high!

My buddy-ette Tracy opened the mini album I made for her, and unless she is lying, she liked it. She opened it on video, and being able to see her reaction was so heartwarming. I am just beginning to make my own videos. It's cool to think of how technology is able to connect people from all over the world. I marvel at today's technology because large parts of my mind live in the 1860's. Laura Ingalls Wilder days. You didn't read it wrong :).

Yesterday my son, who is in 11th grade, went back to visit the folks at his Middle School. He misses them, and considers his years there to be some of his best. He's a deep thinker. Wonder where he got that from...lol. Today he told me how much he appreciates the advantages (i.e., Christian school) that he's had, and how even though he doesn't have the newest or name brand clothes, he has so much more than that. He has gone from whining about not having his own car, to being thankful he has a car to drive (mine) almost any time he wants.

I didn't do much work today, and that equals no pain. I'll start working after I finish this post, but that's okay. God is in His heaven and has my Mama with Him. I have a wonderful husband and son, good friends, and a nice new bra.

Embrace Chaos ** NOT

I made this ATC a few years ago. I thought my creative clutter was a good thing. I laughed about it, made myself the subject of jokes about it, and tried my best to ignore the truth. To me, words like "organized" and "orderly" and sayings like "a place for everything and everything in its place" were synonymous with "anal" and "uptight" and yes, high blood pressure. And for some who take it too far, well...they end up anal and uptight, with high blood pressure, and divorced. I made a much better choice of husbands the second time around.

I started to make ATC's after the car accident in 2006. Prior to that my creative outlet was writing. I found that immersing myself in the world of altered art took me away from the pain. And so began the accumulation of what we all refer to as our stashes. The discovery of the scrapbooking community on YouTube in August 2010, and the move of my craft room/office from the third bedroom to the master bedroom in February 2011 has been the source of many warm and fuzzy feelings, along with....chaos.

Chaos has now taken over. Chaos is breathing down my neck, jabbing me in the back, and shoving me along in everything but creative ways. I have "stuff" all over my house. And I've created such an unorganized mess that I now feel completely overwhelmed by it. As in, I don't know where to begin and even if I did, would things stay in their place after I found them one. Yep, let's announce this to the world on my blog. The truth hurts, and I need to face it.

The truth hit me like a Mack truck this week. And it was disguised in two creative projects I had been working on for a long time. Two Halloween mini albums. One for a swap and the other for a gift. My supplies had drifted from my room to the dining room and then out to the family room. With a few scattered in the living room and kitchen for good measure. As the mess got larger, so did my anxiety. And my anxiety was literally paralyzing me. I would work on a project for 20 minutes and then feel as if I couldn't breathe. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed and it took me a while to put all the pieces together.

I do have enough space for all my "stuff." I just need to really think about what I use most often and where is the best place to keep it. And when I finish with something, I need to put it back. AND, most important since I'm a digger when I'm searching for an item, I need to be an orderly and organized digger. Not the kind who throws things over their shoulder till they find what they want, and just walks away.

I am going to brainstorm with my husband, a very orderly person who actually possesses an attention span. I will see what he thinks is the best way to "eat this elephant." And I will take lots of deep breaths through my nose. I can do it. I can make chaos a thing of the past.

Veterans Day - Coasties & Cars

This is the Coast Guard Cutter Steadfast. It is one of the ships my husband served on during his 23 year military career. I am very proud of him. Not many people can say they saved the life of another, let alone the lives of many, while putting their own life on the line.

I love you Geoff. You are my rock. I don't know where I'd be without you. You are a wonderful husband and father. I thank God every day for bringing you into my life.

My car is sick. Needs a lot of work. $2400 worth. It's either car payments, or car repairs right? I have a Subaru Outback. I really like my car. The mechanic who is fixing it is known far and wide for his expertise with Subarus. It's being repaired at a small shop. My ex-husband works for a large dealership and Subaru is one of their lines. He cannot get me the parts at a discount because his boss is a real butt knuckle. And so it goes.

My dear mother would say, "Well, at least you aren't paying for chemotherapy." I miss you Mom, each and every day.

Don't Ya Just Love Fall?

Last year my holiday decorating left a lot to be desired. This year I am determined to begin decorating for Halloween, on October 1st. Not that I have a lot of Halloween decor items, but I do have a few. I also have a lot of yummy PartyLite candles to fill the house with the smell of Fall.

I'm super excited to put some large wooden figures at the front of the house. They are cute Halloween, as opposed to scary. I got them two years ago, at a garage sale. The people wanted them gone, and said I could have all three for $5.00. These kinds of things just make my day.

Friday morning my son is having his lower wisdom teeth extracted. He is nervous of course. I know exactly what to do and how to care for him, so I'm not worried about that. I do wonder (not out loud of course) how he will handle the pain afterward. His pain threshold has never really been tested.

We are in the process of re-financing our house. We can get a MUCH better interest rate. On Monday it will be appraised. So I have till then to turn Santa's Workshop into something which somewhat resembles a regular home....

Who Are You, in Mountain View???

Someone in Mountain View, California visits my blog on a regular basis and I wonder who you are. I wonder about a lot of things. I'd rather NOT wonder so much, believe you me. Oh, and flashes! Do you have flashes? Where people or places or things from your past just flash through your mind, leaving in their wake a whole new set of things to wonder about.

I will flash on someone in my past, and wonder if he ever thinks about me. I wonder what my dogs would say if they could talk. I wonder how old I will be when I die. I flash on my 6th grade teacher, Mr. Barrington. Is he still alive? I wonder. It's like Cinco de Mayo every day in my head.

So, creatively today I got all the pages prepped for my mini album swap with the very talented Tracy. Painting the edges of chipboard is very calming. I am so looking forward to creating this album and letting my imagination run free.

Dental Delights

Today was implant day. Two of them, in my lower jaw. I'm happy I had it done. I should have had it done a few years ago. I still find it amazing the way surgeons work with bone and metal "findings" for a lack of a better word. Drilling into bone and inserting hardware just seems odd. But maybe that's just me. I did well. Sat still, was compliant, didn't cry or make a fuss. I'm glad because he's a very nice doctor and I didn't want to cause him any grief.

Anyway, these implants were not cheap. Of course dental insurance won't cover any part of them since that would make too much sense, and certainly would not be cost effective for them. Do you ever wonder why there is medical insurance AND dental insurance? Last time I checked the mouth was a part of the body.

These days I equate money with the amount of craft supplies it can buy. A nice dinner out loses its appeal when I consider how many Martha punches I could have purchased with that money. Dinners out are fleeting. Martha punches are forever.

Kitchen Things

Got me a new Cricut cartridge to add to my collection. My VAST collection of.....drumroll please....five. Stunning I know. I wish I had gotten the SCAL program. I heard it's no longer available.

Then....we got a new stove. The old one finally bit the dust. The new one looks just like this, but it's not stainless. We got it at Home Depot. The saleswoman kept calling us "kids." She said, "Okay kids, when do you want to pick it up?" She called me "sister" several times. It was odd. I like to use unusual words/names when speaking to people too. I will call a woman "punkin" and a man "studly." I have others, but those are the two that come to mind. Oh, the new stove makes the rest of the kitchen look shabby, and I don't mean as in chic.

I have been working on a new project. A tiny tree decorated with pieces of costume jewelry. It is my first tree and I'm so happy with how it's turning out. Will share photos soon.

An Orphan? Really?

This is a picture of my mother's living room, right after she passed away. If you click on the picture it will magically become larger and clearer. The coffee table was her pride and joy. The base is from the large dining room table she got when I was a child. About 30 or so years ago she had the table top removed, and transformed the base into what you see here. The glass on top is nearly four feet by five feet, and 3/4-inch thick.

Tomorrow movers will deliver the coffee table, and the sofa, and several other large pieces of antique furniture which cost a fortune to move up here, but with which I could not bear to part and which my sister had no room for. Also arriving will be boxes and boxes of books, all dealing with Christianity, all bequeathed to my son.

It has been a rough day in the grieving department. I know where she is, and I wish I could ONLY dwell on that. I try....

About two years ago, I was talking with a person who had recently lost their mother, and whose father had passed many years ago. This person made the statement that they were now an orphan. I thought, how peculiar a thing to think or say. Lately though, I find myself thinking, I have no parents. I call out to my mother, inside my head. I say "Momma" over and over again. An odd little mantra. It comforts me.

I remember my mother telling me one of the toughest things about getting older is that you always seem to be losing someone close to you. Now that she is gone, I know exactly what she meant. I have felt a whole lot older since she died. I'm the elder now, and I don't want to be.

God's Creation

My mother and my son, October 2006, Columbia River Gorge, near Portland, Oregon

I love this photo. The background looks like a mural someone painted, but it's not. It's the majesty of God's creation. It's very high up where we were, and very windy. I remember my mother holding onto my husband's arm for fear she would be swept away.

They held her memorial service today, in Newport Beach. I stayed home. It was better this way. I'm still trying to get my bearings, still trying to come to terms with the fact she is no longer a phone call away. I love you Momma.

and the BEAT goes on

Another day in ICU for my mom. Her oxygen saturation levels are still low. I was told she got a bit cranky and feisty when the nurses were not understanding what she needed. So that is a very good sign. I cannot imagine how it must feel after open heart surgery. I guess like a train hit you.

Mr. Cob

With Mother's Day fast approaching, I thought I'd share a photo of my son Jacob and I. He was about three weeks old and weighed 4 lbs., 7 oz. The outfit he is wearing was a premie size, and still it was too big for him.

He reminded me of a little old man, and one day I looked down at him and said, "Mister Cob." To this day we call him Cob, or Cobby.

I had planned to breastfeed him, and this was very important to me. He spent 2-1/2 weeks in the NICU, and I pumped milk for him. The nurses would then insert a tube down his throat and into his stomach and slowly give him the milk. One ounce was considered a meal. They did this because they didn't want him using any energy sucking on a nipple. That still amazes me. Thankfully this method of feeding only lasted a few days. We then moved on to something similar, in that a thin tube was taped to our finger and a syringe with milk was attached to the tube. Slowly we dispensed the milk into his mouth. The same mechanics as giving someone an injection. Once again the point being that he not exert any energy. Every calorie mattered.

Then we moved on to actual breastfeeding. The nurses were wonderful, and helpful. Mr. Cob, however, wanted nothing to do with it. He refused to latch on, and actually took his tiny little hand and attempted to push my breast away from him. All the while screaming bloody murder. There were many tries at the hospital, at home, and with a breastfeeding instructor. He just wasn't having it. So, in the midst of post-partum insanity, with a fresh C-Section scar, I continued to use the breast pump. The important thing was he was getting my milk, not how it was being dispensed. Logically I knew this, but emotionally I felt like a failure.

A breast pump can only do so much, and certainly isn't ideal. It was like my body knew this, because after just a few weeks I began to dry up. I remember being at my six week post-op check at the OB/GYN and unleashing a torrent of tears concerning my inability to feed my son as nature intended. I sobbed, "If this were 100 years ago and we were on the prairie, he'd starve to death!!!" The man looked at me as if I were insane.

Mr. Cob is 16 years old now. He is my only child (that I know of). He's a wonderful young man and I thank God for him every day.

The Day

Today I worked, all day long. Then I drove across the river to Portland, and mailed all my packages to Canada. The Portland Airport post office is handy when one misses their local PO deadline.

I had enough time to spend 15 minutes at a nearby Michaels before it closed. I purchased the Martha Stewart Monarch butterfly punch. As I told my husband, "it's a must have." This is my first butterfly punch. I got a package of Recollections baby roses in various shades of purple and a package of Tim Holtz blending foam pads. I know you can make these with make-up sponges but I haven't been able to find anything but the wedge shaped sponges. And I picked up an Inkadinkado stamp set called Games. It was clearanced to $3.99.

Oh, and I also had some color copies made, picked up the snow dog's Rimadyl prescription, picked up my son at school and then drove to his girlfriend's house to pick her up so she could hang out here for a few hours.

And that was my day :)~

Hey! Where's the PartyLite?

I am back! Yet again. It's been seven weeks since my last post - geesh. Lots of good things have been happening though.

For starters, I'm now a PartyLite consultant. I love their products and did ya know the candles are made in the U.S. of A. The cute froggy seen above is from the new Summer collection.

The company has provided me with a web site (www.partylite.biz/mrsmorris). Shopping online is the easiest, quickest way to bring all these wonderful scents into your home. There are always special offers and discounts, too. If you need any PartyLite, please get it from me :). Hubby would appreciate it, too. If you email me prior to placing your order, I can set you up with a gift certificate. Do I sound desperate? It's more than I'm new at this, and a bit nervous.

Okay, so I had the shoulder surgery. No cuff tear, but bone was impinging on the nerves. He shaved the bone away. Yummy. I've been doing very well, and the pain has been reduced drastically. But, I did something reckless and stupid two days ago. And now I have made the shoulder nerves unhappy again. What did I do? I washed my own hair. Yep, I'm a daredevil.

I'm back to creating again! I have missed creating. Decorating white knobs is not creating. I have photos of one project, and am half-way through with two others. I also want to make a collage for the surgeon who worked on my shoulder. I am so grateful to him, and a Hallmark card just ain't gonna do it.

My talented hubby has mastered the embroidery machine, and our first creation will be available in my Etsy store by the end of this weekend.

As always, so many ideas - so little time.

My Birthday.....Day

Yeppers, today I turned the big five one. Doesn't seem so bad spelled out! It was a quiet and uneventful day. My son remembered, and bought me the very practical gift of a new lampshade for the moose lamp on my bedside table. My room is done in pale greens and pinks and I do gravitate toward the shabby style. A few years ago I spotted this moose lamp in a store and just had to have it. I subscribe to the theory that if you like it, it will "go." Anyway, the original shade had begun to fall apart and I like the new shade much better. It's a burgundy color and casts a very soothing light. The moose lamp is yet another thing which needs to be photographed and posted.

I was incredibly thankful that I felt better today than I did yesterday. By tomorrow I will be 100% caught up with my orders, and will be able to read email without cringing. Lately I am guilty of email avoidance. I receive a lot of emails. A lot. Seriously.

My hubby spent many hours working on the embroidery sewing machine and the laptop, getting them to communicate. Something about Windows 7 not recognizing this or that, and having to download an update, etc. I understand the basic concept of it but anything further makes my eyes roll back in my head. He is very "techie" and enjoys it. He's also a whiz with sewing machines. I can sew a little. So we decided he will do the technical stuff, the hands on sewing and changing thread, and I will do the design and layout and sales of the finished products.

We are blessed to have a neighbor/friend who owns two embroidery machines, one of them being mega expensive and the kind of thing you look at from a distance. She has been so kind and helped us both with her experience. I help her with online sales of doll clothes she makes, as the whole internet marketplace is new to her.

I was talking with a friend today about how we could pool our resources for the benefit of both our households. Everything from going halves on a side of beef to cooking double batches of our favorite recipes and sharing. Her parents have a farm and in the Fall they are drowning in pears and apples. I have always wanted to learn to preserve fruits and she has the knowledge.

Stepping back in time a bit is one of the things the Lord has laid on my heart. And it's a very calming thing.

man oh man

It seems the whole world is sick. The flu bug has attacked our area in a particularly vicious way this year. It has been reported by various medical offices that recovery is a two to three week process. My son got it and then I got it. Hubby continues to fight the good fight. I'm at the two week point myself, and looking eagerly forward to health, even semi health, very soon.

My shoulder surgery has been cancelled twice now, due to this icky bug. It is rescheduled for April 7th and I told the lady, "I will either be fully recovered by then, or I'll be dead."

We are told to praise God, even in the storm(s). I have been trying, and He has been comforting me. He has also been putting much on my heart during my time of lying in bed. Only good and positive things of course.

You may wonder what the above photo has to do with this post, or with anything at all. Absolutely nothing. Just me, being random.

My Day, Yesterday

I am trying to post every day, because I want to be like Tracy. Just a bit late as it's now tomorrow, and I'm talking about yesterday.

I did a fair amount of work, but kept expecting the phone to ring. And if it did, and a certain person called, I would have had to leave my house, and go to their house. You see my former husband's wife is in the hospital. The former husband works on Saturdays and they have three dogs. They were afraid he wouldn't be able to get a lunch break and go home to let the dogs out. He did in fact get a break and I didn't have to go over there. And thankfully she will be released from the hospital later today.

I finished my Mom's mini album, all except for putting some ribbon and fibers on the ring, and adding some charms to the swivel clasp. I usually ask hubby to do that part. I'm just not good with the jump rings.

I thought a fair amount about how spoiled Juneau is. He is seriously spoiled, like spoiled rotten. He has to be right in the middle of things. If he hears Geoff and I talking, he will get up from a nap to come into the same room. If we ignore him, he fusses and whines or he tilts his big head back and "talks" to us. He's such a character. Last night he slept with me, something he rarely does. It's like sleeping with a person, a very warm person.

Okay, this post is boring....but that's okay. I like my boring life :).