The Top of the Mountain, or Maybe It's a Hill

I decided recently to concentrate on positive, uplifting topics when posting on my blog.  Even before that, I always tried to see the glass as half-full.  Life is an easier, and far kinder, place when we do.  So this post will have a happy ending ~ I promise.

I have been struggling for months now, to come to terms with the loss of my mother.  The Lord took her on June 7, 2011.  I know there is no timeline for grieving, but I found myself feeling worse instead of better.  I also found myself extremely annoyed.  Annoyed at ME.  Annoyed because I know God.  I know God's word.  And I know where my mother is.  I should be comforted by this knowledge, and resting in it.  I just couldn't get there though.  All I could do was cry.

This afternoon it all came to a head and I knew I had to get some help.  I walked across the hall and said to my son, "I need a Pastor.  Can you call Keels (Pastor) and ask him to help me."  Keels is the high school Pastor (that's what the kids call him, last name only).  My son said, "Mom, you just need to call the church.  There are pastors there who can help you."  I called the church.  I was helped.

I poured out my heart to this man I had never met before.  He offered reassurance and comfort direct from the Word.  He did it in a very humble and caring way.  Christians are fallen.  Christians are sinners.  And Christians get lost in the forests and mazes of this world.  We are called by God to be a family and to be strong for each other.  My biggest worry was that I would grieve the Lord by failing to latch on to what I knew to be true.  This Pastor told me I need not worry about that, and also that the some of the most prolific writers in the Bible were also those who struggled with faith the most.

The Pastor said I should immerse myself in the Word.  Have praise songs playing in the house, listen to sermons and do all I could to busy my mind with thoughts of the Lord.  In this, he said, you will find amazing comfort.  And so I begin, with one of my favorite praise songs, Give Thanks.

If you are struggling, don't do what I did.  Don't spend months battling with heartache and doubt.  Immerse yourself in the words of the Lord, and give thanks.

Halloween & Mental Health Day

Halloween was....well, not even like Halloween.  Oh, except for the amount of candy this family has consumed in the past few weeks.  My "baby" is pictured above.  Trick or treating was a long time ago.  But oh, the memories I have.  I wish I had pictures to go along with my memories.

Hubby is taking our travel trailer to the dealership tomorrow.  Bye-bye trailer.  Hello new (to us) used 5th wheel.  He said, "I wish Jacob didn't have school.  I'd like for him to go with me."  I told him to ask Jacob if he wanted to skip school and have a "mental health day with Dad."  Years ago, when I was a single Mom, Jacob had many mental health days.  This seemed a more tactful way to phrase it.  Rather than "hey, stay home and we'll sleep in and then we'll goof off."  The problem was Jacob would return to school the next day and announce to anyone who would listen that he hadn't been ill, he had simply been taking a mental health day.

Hubby and I guessed he might say no, and sure enough, he did.  Too many things to do at school, didn't want to get behind in math, has to turn in his cap and gown order, etc., etc.  What a kid you are Jacob.  You amaze me every single day.

Really Random

My Malamute's neck is 24 inches in diameter.  He needs a new collar so we measured him.

Happy Anniversary to Us

Today is our wedding anniversary.  We celebrate nine years together.  The funny part is we both usually forget.  It is a rarity that I remembered last night.  When I told Geoff he got this "ooops" look on his face.  I think it's okay though, if we both forget.  We laugh about it every year.  We just get so busy with the day to day activities of life.  Also, we are both incredibly practical people.  I did tell him that next year, for our 10th, I'd like to take a trip on a train, where we could get a compartment.  I've had that wish for a while, but what jarred it loose was the fact the Malamute was jumping around on the bed, making it bounce and shake.  I asked Geoff if he felt he was on a moving train.  We are just living life, together.

I say often that I am incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful husband.  There is not a day goes by where I don't think about that.  We are truly partners, for better or worse.  Geoff is calm and collected.  I am wound very tight.  He is my rock and my prince.  He protects and cares for me, and I look up to him in more ways than he knows.  This is how God intended marriage to be.  He gives us all the instructions.  I've played the game both ways.  Doing it God's way doesn't guarantee a life full of joy and happiness, or a life where the road is always easy and the burden is light.  But it guarantees a relationship of mutual love and caring, where you truly know you will be together until death.

I have heard it said - "the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother."  When Geoff married me, he became a father to my son Jacob.  Jacob's biological father is nearby and sees him often.  But the man who has taught Jacob what a boy needs to know to grow up into a good man, is Geoff.  Because our marriage is strong, Jacob is able to see the way a healthy marriage operates.  He has paid attention, and he is paying attention.  He tells me he wants a marriage "like you and Dad have."  I love my husband for many things, especially this.

My Poor Head ~ My Poor Pizza

Today Geoff and I went out to look at more RV's.  After much discussion we have decided to get a 5th wheel instead of a Class C.  Buying used we can get a much larger 5th wheel for the same payment we currently have on our travel trailer.  Standing between two 5th wheels, on the lot, talking with the salesman.  Of course ALL the slides are out on the ALL the 5th wheels.  I turned and crashed my head into a slide.  I'm grateful it didn't break the skin, but surprised too.  It left a really nice bump and put a bit of a damper on my day.

We then went to Tuesday Morning.  The TM nearest my house just closed, and I was hoping against hope that this TM would still have some of the great stamp sets that everyone on YouTube was talking about.  No luck.  But of course I found a few things I couldn't live without, including the Tim Holtz dies that punch windows and shapes into chipboard.  That was $6.99.  They also had the gingerbread and ornament dies for $8.99 but those just didn't ring my bell.

In the same shopping center there was a Red Lobster.  I LOVE Red Lobster, and since hubby was such a good boy in the store, I offered to take him out for an early dinner.  I usually order the lobster pizza.  This particular RL, although friendly and wonderful like you would expect, burns their lobster pizzas.  I thought it was a fluke when the first one came out.  They were really behind in the kitchen and I assumed someone just let it cook a bit too long.  They brought a new one, and it looked almost as bad as the first.  The cheese isn't supposed to be brown like this.  I showed them their photo in the menu, and told them my cheese had never been brown before.  They didn't charge us for the pizza, and were as gracious as they could be.

Do you like RL's lobster pizza?  Does this look right to you?

Men Are Brave

Okay, along with a myriad of other fears, I am afraid of food poisoning.  I don't think this makes me odd, or crazy, or paranoid either.  I have found that men in general, and my husband in particular, are a whole lot braver than I am.  Case in point: today hubby ate a variety of Chinese take-out from little white containers which had been in our fridge since September 20th.  That's nine, count 'em, NINE days ago sports fans.

It's about 10 hours later, and he went to sleep without even a belch, so I guess he was right - there was nothing wrong with it.  Personally I obey the three day leftover rule, alongside the "if in doubt, throw it out" mantra.

I Love Dogs

...but I don't love blogging.  There, I said it.  I just don't enjoy it.  Perhaps because it's something I know I should be doing - kinda like sex.  Just kidding dear.  Blogging is good for business though.  It keeps my name out there in cyberspace.

My blog posts tend to be deep, dark and brooding -- at least they begin that way.  Then I try to wind up on the philosophical side of the street.  So.....I am going to make my blog inspirational from now on.  Maybe it will be a photo like you see above, or a pretty piece of art.  Or....happy news from my life.

If you know me at all, you know I love dogs.  Big dogs, or even little dogs if they aren't yappy or hyper.  The love of  good dog is an amazing thing - comforting and calming - a true blessing.

RV Dreaming....

The hubs and I went to the RV Show a couple days ago.  We currently have a 28 foot travel trailer.  This trailer was our first ever RV purchase.  Didn't take long to realize that what we really wanted was something we didn't have to tow.  An RV where we could all be in the same place, and where we could get up and move around.

The photo above shows the style we are looking at now, otherwise known as a Class C.  An RV itself is not a cheap thing, but what really scares me is just the maintenance on them.  Like, one tire costs as much as four good car tires.

Jacob is in his senior year of high school.  Won't be long till he's off to college and we can hit the open road.  Does this mean my golden years are just around the corner?  Wow....

Sons

My son turns 18 next Tuesday.  I think both of us are in a bit of a daze with the thought of this important birthday.  I know he is doing a bit of testing, thinking perhaps he can take a different tone with me now.  He is learning he cannot.

Today he asked me why I seemed down.  And why was I acting like I thought no one liked me, and saying things like, "Don't put me in a home."  That statement is simply my worrying early to avoid the rush.  I told him he was grown up now, and I didn't think he needed me.  Yes I know, this is all my own psychosis.  He said I was wrong, and that he did need me.  Should have left it at that, but I asked him for three reasons why I was needed.

I know better than to ask that kind of question of someone with testicles.  He immediately got the deer in the headlights look and blurted out: Well, didn't you tell me you pay the mortgage every month?  I had indeed told him that several months ago.  I did it because he wasn't real happy when asked to open up little bags with knobs and screws inside them.  I told him, "These knobs pay the house payment" and he was amazed to hear that.  He's only a kid, and I just smiled after his reason #1.

Reason #2 was the fact that I raised him, so he must need me.  And that if I hadn't raised him he'd probably be really screwed up by now.  I thought to myself: Given the fact I did raise you, it's a wonder you aren't really screwed up by now.

Reason #3?  He knocked it out of the park.  He said I did many nice things for Kenna (his girlfriend) as well as other people, and that I was a very self-less person in his opinion.

I thanked him for his reasons, of course.  Then I went to my room and had a good cry.....

I'm Old

Back in the day (i.e., in my 20's) I owned 50 plus pairs of shoes.  I had far too many pairs, especially since I wore a uniform to work, complete with flat black fugly shoes.  But on the weekends though, wowza, my heels and I painted the town.

I like the three styles pictured above.  But I doubt I could have worn them even in my 20's.  Today's current style of shoes just makes me feel old.

This is a particularly boring blog post, I know.  I did need to post something, and it was either a shoes post or a mini-rant about how I cannot get my video to post to YouTube.  I think you get what you pay for with a Flip camera.