Friday, November 2, 2012

The Top of the Mountain, or Maybe It's a Hill

I decided recently to concentrate on positive, uplifting topics when posting on my blog.  Even before that, I always tried to see the glass as half-full.  Life is an easier, and far kinder, place when we do.  So this post will have a happy ending ~ I promise.

I have been struggling for months now, to come to terms with the loss of my mother.  The Lord took her on June 7, 2011.  I know there is no timeline for grieving, but I found myself feeling worse instead of better.  I also found myself extremely annoyed.  Annoyed at ME.  Annoyed because I know God.  I know God's word.  And I know where my mother is.  I should be comforted by this knowledge, and resting in it.  I just couldn't get there though.  All I could do was cry.

This afternoon it all came to a head and I knew I had to get some help.  I walked across the hall and said to my son, "I need a Pastor.  Can you call Keels (Pastor) and ask him to help me."  Keels is the high school Pastor (that's what the kids call him, last name only).  My son said, "Mom, you just need to call the church.  There are pastors there who can help you."  I called the church.  I was helped.

I poured out my heart to this man I had never met before.  He offered reassurance and comfort direct from the Word.  He did it in a very humble and caring way.  Christians are fallen.  Christians are sinners.  And Christians get lost in the forests and mazes of this world.  We are called by God to be a family and to be strong for each other.  My biggest worry was that I would grieve the Lord by failing to latch on to what I knew to be true.  This Pastor told me I need not worry about that, and also that the some of the most prolific writers in the Bible were also those who struggled with faith the most.

The Pastor said I should immerse myself in the Word.  Have praise songs playing in the house, listen to sermons and do all I could to busy my mind with thoughts of the Lord.  In this, he said, you will find amazing comfort.  And so I begin, with one of my favorite praise songs, Give Thanks.

If you are struggling, don't do what I did.  Don't spend months battling with heartache and doubt.  Immerse yourself in the words of the Lord, and give thanks.