They occur far less frequently now, than they used to. And that is how it should be since the traumatic event was eight years ago. Yet to certain parts of my mind, the event was only yesterday. That is the sad, cold truth of the matter.
My pain clinic doc wanted me to see their in-house family nurse practitioner. I don't know why, and was never told why when I was contacted to schedule the appointment. I already have a FNP and I would never give her up. The appointment was today and about an hour beforehand the meltdown began. Bottom line is I cancelled at the last moment, and now the provider must approve a future re-schedule.
It's impossible not to beat myself up over this kind of thing. Yet logically I know all I can do at this point is accept the fact I will need to ask my husband to take me to future appointments of this type. I will have to schedule them when he is available, and that's the way it has to be to avoid having this happen in the future.
Take a deep breath, suck it up, and move on.